Constantly a work in process we are, right?
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.
I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right—for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
People are different—let’s face it. But the question is how do you “deal” with it? When you meet a new person, are getting to know someone, investing time with someone, are you truly wanting to know, appreciate, be in their company, love THEM? Or is it we are merely looking for someone to fill a void in us, someone to just hang out with, a new best friend, a spouse, etc. This is where things become selfish unfortunately. UNLESS you know how to love and appreciate the ones in your life for who they TRULY are! Embrace and nurture and be sure to remind them WHY they are important to you. Look for the good in someone and the good they are for you, if you can’t find it, then take a minute and ask yourself what they heck you are doing. I am a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words, so go ahead! I challenge you, say something to someone, and then DO something. That “DO” might even just be a followup to the saying something.
I have made a lot of friends over my lifetime from so many different ways. Some I worked with, previously worked with, used to be neighbors, etc. Some who I am still friends with, some who I am not. Some know me better than others, and some even surprise me with how much they know about me. For me, it doesn’t mean that I love them any more or less. Obviously there is more love for my sister let’s say, than a good friend, or a spouse I would obviously have more love for than just a friend, but my point is when I get started…I am in it for life! Is THAT selfish of me? A few of them I can have deep and meaningful conversations with. Some I can just hang out with socially for some fun. Some you just casually check in with once in a blue moon to see how each other is. A few are all of the above. The “best” or most important ones, in my opinion, are the ones that I connect with on a more regular basis.
I know I am different from most people, but I am similar in some ways too with others. I don’t have that need to fill a void. I will not settle for someone, just to have a spouse. I will not be friends with someone, just because that is what THEY need. I will not continue in a relationship if it is not a healthy one. So, does THAT make me selfish? I do not believe so. It is a two way street plain and simple, if you are not getting a healthy and positive dose of goodness from ANY relationship you are in, then you need to move on. Move on.
Make sense? If not, let’s talk about it. Sometimes I get on a roll and the thoughts are faster than the fingers can type so it may appear cryptic, but I assure you, there is no hidden message. Don’t assume things about me.
1 year ago
