11-8-08 How about you?
What do YOU want/need? Do you know how to get it?
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel or need. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to admit when you were wrong either. I have learned however, that in order to not be afraid and do these things, we have to feel safe to do so. Whoever you are telling or asking—you have to know that that person cares about your request or feelings. You have to know that they aren’t going to laugh at you or try to make you feel stupid for feeling and sharing it. In fact, they should even appreciate it about you. I truly hope that you feel safe with me.
If you don’t feel safe with a person, if you don’t trust that they have your best interest at heart as well as their own—then don’t. Don’t put yourself in that position that is going to make you feel sorry for saying something and possibly prevent you from saying it or something else to someone else in the future. Just knowing that your feelings are safe with someone is huge. Knowing that person genuinely cares for you and will not judge you. Trusting someone with your heart is huge. You also have to be prepared for what that person is telling you. You have to be able to accept that they might be telling you that you upset them or hurt their feelings. Can you handle that? Can you have a calm and mature conversation/discussion about it? Or I suppose you COULD just throw all caution to the wind and jump! Jump into it with both feet! Be in and feel the moment as if it will not happen again or you may not get the opportunity to do so again. Then when your feet are back on the ground re-evaluate if you need to, learn from it if you need to, and move forward. Have no regrets in life. Take something from every experience and learn from it.
I helped a co-worker today when her car broke down on her lunch. I have roadside assistance with my cell phone and it is worth every penny in my opinion for that sense of security. She was scared, upset, & embarrassed that this happened and I just tried to reassure her that she was not the first person, nor the last in this world that it would happen to. Her boyfriend was at work, they only have one car, and they don’t have family close so she didn’t know who to call but someone at work and could get to her quickly. We were able to laugh about it all once we knew help was on the way and all was back to normal. She said she felt bad for me spending my lunch helping her and was going to owe me big and I told her “No, you don’t. I am glad that I could help you. Please call me anytime and if you get the chance, just pay it forward.”
Why is it SO hard for us to ask? It truly is hard for me to ask for help or tell someone when I need something. Maybe we keep asking/telling the wrong people? I truly believe that actions speak louder than words. Honestly the only reason that I can come up with in my mind is the lack of faith that it will happen or the fear of what will I owe them for doing this for me? We should give from the heart more often in our lives and not wonder what we will get in return for doing so. 2 people that are becoming VERY important to me recently told me “Seriously Jen, I am just a phone call away if you need me.” and while I was sick, “If you need anything, you tell me.” and I believe them. I don’t have any reason not to at this point in my life. What makes them so different from people in my past? I never even felt I could rely on my exes. Has it truly taken me 34 years to find good people in my life? Or have I become TOO independent? We should all know who will be there for us in our time of need. I don’t keep keep score on who owes me. I have always been a giver and will continue to be in my lifetime. It is just what I do. I like to see people happy. I like seeing the look on their face when they are surprised with something I had a part in. I like knowing that I have made someone’s day. If someone wants to do something for me, or can, I just hope that it is because they truly WANT to.
When does it change or do I stop doing for others? When they lie, take advantage of me, betray, steal, or hurt my heart in some way.
1 year ago